I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize