I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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