please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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