seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize