just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize