Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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