so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
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Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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