I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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