u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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