they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
