Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
