Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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