Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize