I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize