ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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