I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize