wrigley field is MILF paradise
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
