based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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