I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize