I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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