Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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