Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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