apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
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Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
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Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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