R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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