Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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