She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize