I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
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Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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