You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize