gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
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I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
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Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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