How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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