I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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