My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize