This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
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One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
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We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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