I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
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You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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