I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize