I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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