I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize