Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
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I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
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Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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