I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
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