is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
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There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
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Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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