I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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