so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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