I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize