At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
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Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
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Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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