She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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