p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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