meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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