Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize