sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize