My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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