Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
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Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
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painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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