he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
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well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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